The 29-year-old man, u/UserMempsh, got candid on the popular subreddit r/AmITheA**hole and asked if he should have come out at his sister’s wedding, after a stream of incessant homophobic comments plagued him throughout the event from various family members.
He said in the post that he has three sisters Michelle, 36, Julia, 35, and Annie, 22, and it was his older sister Michelle’s wedding.
The man said that he had not come out to his family but felt they had an idea that he might be gay. Like most wedding conversation his family began asking him about his relationships and when he would get married.
The man’s father goaded him and said: “I finally have my first son-in-law, and hopefully I will soon have two more,” he added, “Maybe someday even a daughter-in-law if sissypants here mans up and gets a girlfriend.”
This comment didn’t sit well with the man and he didn’t like the joke that was cracked at his expense. His sister Julia asked him if he was OK, but he simply said he was fine despite being affected by the jibe.
As the wedding went on, his father began bothering him again and asked if he had a girlfriend, and when he would give him grandchildren. During this interrogation from his father, his sister Michelle chimed in and said: “Well, I can hook you up with a bridesmaid if you want to unless you are wired the wrong way.”
His mom added to the conversation: “Maybe you should have that girl (bridesmaid) come over here, he needs to be with a WOMAN at his age.”
This final comment from his mother was the straw that broke the camel’s back and the man finally snapped and came out to his family, much to their horror.
The man wrote: “I just lost it and said, ‘Actually mom, I’m gay.’ The whole table went silent, some other people heard too and Michelle started crying, saying I ruined her wedding with my awful confession.
“Most of my family says I’m an a**hole for saying it then. Julia is on my side and said she is perfectly fine with me being gay and if our family didn’t want to hear it, they should have stayed quiet.”
Although his family assigned the role of a**hole to the man, many of the comments of Reddit were in support of him.
One comment read: “The family 100 per cent knew and were bullying [original poster] about it. I’d feel bad for the bride if it was just the dad making comments, but she joined in too, so I have zero sympathy for it happening at her wedding.”
Another comment agreed and said his family forced him to come out saying: “Yeah, you didn’t ‘come out at her wedding’. They vacuumed it out of you. If you had stood up as to make a toast, and announced it unprovoked, I’d raise an eyebrow, but they basically forced it out of you.”
With another commenter praising the man for standing up for himself: “When I first read the title of your post I was inclined the think [you were an a**hole]. However, after reading how it all went down, you’re 100 per cent [not the a**hole]. Your family was essentially assaulting you with homophobic remarks and questioned your sexuality several times.
“They questioned and you answered. You had no choice but to stand firm in yourself. Good for you! I would hope your sister would be happy about you finally telling your truth.”
There was a resounding wave of support and love from the subreddit with many on the mans side.
In 2013 Pew Research found that one third of gay men had not come out to their parents. The study found that LGBTQ+ people are more likely to tell a close friend than they are to tell family. The most common reason that came up was the fact that the topic never came up or that it was not important to tell them.